Two Years

…it has been. No, I do not wish for this to be a classic sentimental post, but putting into retrospective again that the time I have spent on and on gemini began two whole years ago makes me feel as if time is running way too quickly. To think that I have grown two years older — wiser perhaps — since my tilde page was set up…

On the same page, I feel pity. Pity that I have not reached the goals I would set myself now if I were to know about looking back on it again. I now wish that I had used this platform more, to experiment more with the capabilities and limits of technology, to see what works and what does not.

But — and this is a thought that entered my mind just recently — what is the use of creation for publishing? What does it mean to ‘use the platform?’ Do I need this platform? In fact, do I need any of you, my dear readers?

My desire to be read is easily overcome, for I know that I am not read. By virtue of you reading this, I suppose that you have already disproved my thesis, yet this belief still follows me. I am not read. I will not be read. As such, instead of addressing any potential reader, writing a nice text for them, first and foremost I should be happy with my own creation.

It feels shameful to admit, working contrary to my own instinct of archival, I do review and delete texts that I do not like. There is a constant image of self I try to adhere to, and as it shifts it might end up contrary to the past. It is easier to change a body than it is to change a mind, and I force submission on the body by reviewing my past.

You likely do not know me; I do not wish to be judged by who I was, but by whom I am today.

The message is said. On to two more years of faithful recreation and veritable thought.